Two boys were playing outside in the parking lot and I found myself watching them laugh and pass the ball back and forth when one of them looked up and said to the other- “Look, there’s a weird lady in the window with a cat.”

Since when did I become a “lady” instead of “girl”?
I don’t feel like a lady.
I feel more like a girl.

I started and finished, “The Book Thief” yesterday because it gave me a headache to stare at a computer screen, and I enjoyed the book quite a bit. I’m feeling much better today but my hip is still pretty sore. The only thing I’m struggling with now is the lack of privacy and independence. It’s really hard to cope with the inability to lock the bathroom door in a house full of boys, the inability to drive myself to the store to pick up some tomatoes, etc. I find that if I don’t already have it, or someone isn’t already going, then I just choose not to say anything. I already have problems voicing the fact that I need something. It’s been really hard to ask for someone to bring over a glass of milk. I hate feeling helpless. And this stupid wristband reminds me of the times I used to go to the waterparks and dance with the water down the slides. I was really happy there. In the bath I close my eyes and imagine I have just landed in the water after the greatest slide ever.

Speaking of books and reviews, I stopped posting my movie reviews here because a) I watch too many and b) Fixster is better. Add me, beautifuls. For book readers check Relax and Read.

Also, thank you to everyone who commented on the last entry, even if it was small- it was the greatest “Get Well” card ever. I really, really, appreciate it.

I wasn’t feeling well and I remember getting up to get a glass of water. I remember stretching on my tippy toes to see if I could reach a plastic cup. But I was too tired to keep stretching so I settled for the glass on the bottom shelf. I stood infront of the refrigerator and wondered if I wanted milk or water. Then I remember deciding I wanted ice. And then the next thing I remember is Tyler holding me and stroking my hair. And then I realized how much pain I was in. And that I was lying in glass. And I guess the site of the glass made my leg sting and I realized how much it hurt. I do not remember falling. I do not remember the glass crushing under my body. But I do remember crying when I woke, shaking, asking for Jei and my mom while holding onto Tyler like he was the only real substance in my life at that moment. The only thing that could keep me steady. I was scared.

I rode in the ambulance the entire way there, they plugged my arm with an IV, and when they wheeled me down halls to the emergency room Tyler was still there holding my hand. My mother was waiting next to the open door of my soon-to-be room and it was such a relief to see her. There were a few warm blankets, an EKG, and a bunch of blood was taken (painfully). I don’t remember much else except that once I calmed down I felt better. It took several hours to get out of there- Jei was stuck at work and I was supposed to be his ride. Rue came to see me, of course, and he, Tyler and my mother and I talked to pass the time. Some other visitors came, for which I was grateful, but I was very tired. So many times I heard, “So, what happened?”

I was very tired.
I am still very tired.
And my hip hurts.
My hip really fucking hurts.

But thank you, Tyler. Thank you, Rue. Thank you, Mother. Thank you, Jei.
I love you all dearly.
And when they said, “Are these your family members?”
I didn’t hesitate to say, “Yes.”