Sorry, sorry, sorry. I’m here. That apology is mostly for me, because I was trying like hell to write every day, and all of a sudden I realize it’s been nearly a week since I posted last. Well, here we go:
Last Thursday was the last Thursday I would spend at my job. In fact, it was my last day ever there. I can’t explain to you what a wave of relief it was. I feel much better about myself and where I am going in life. I can go back to school now. I can take Aikido again. So many things I gave up for this job because I thought I needed it to survive. But I don’t. I don’t need money. I don’t like buying things. Also, I find myself wishing I had done more with my hair and my appearance when I was in high school. I wish I had chopped it off all those times I thought about it. But I was too scared. Instead it stayed pretty much the same a long until I graduated. Except of course the time I dyed it blue. Ahem. That pretty much shyed me away from dying for a long time. Well, I’ve been growing my hair out ever since I cut it off in fourth grade, but I can never seem to get it that far again. It’s gone down to my back, but I never do anything with it. I just let it hang there and it looks gross. Anyway, I’m rambling about hair because I always cut my own hair. But this last cut was not mine. (Like a week or so ago). I am learning that it is okay, even though I told her I was growing it out, and the layers are short again, I’m learning to love it.
I’ve been spending time with a new friend Merissa, and it’s been a blast. Rue is smiling more. Tom came over for poker last night. Tyler is leaving in less than a month for school and he’s not the only one in the house stressed about it. Mallory is growing into herself and taking her heart with her. Riley had surgery. Nicole fell in love. Rob grew older. Boozy’s home. Everyone around me is growing, changing, evolving, and I am too. It’s good. It’s all for the better, it really is. I’m just surprised that it’s all happening at once.
A late spring cleaning.
Which brings me to my final point for today: I am completely revamping this site. I need to. It will make me happy. I can’t wait until it’s done. I’ve been helping a few friends with theirs and I’m ready to hash away at mine. Time for change, time for change.
I love you all dearly.
Thank you to everyone who’s sent me something in the mail the past few weeks.
Bless your hearts.
I have spent my entire life hiding in the murky waters of the abyss because I liked it.
It was cold, dark, and the greatest blanket nature could offer.
Then one day I chased a flickering light, the twilight, to the sky.
I chased round, round, and never seemed to get anywhere.
Twenty one years later I realized the light was coming from me.
I did something a few nights ago that was really hard for me
though it probably would seem like something easy to everyone else.
I played a game that brought with it some rough memories
and unpleasant dreams.
But I am proud
(but not as proud as I thought I’d be)
I did it because I wanted to
and I’d like to think I was ready.
A lot of changes have been happening for me
(good changes)
But because of them I feel suddenly suffocated by this darkness
and like I must get out to finally reach all those other fish
and see them truly for the first time.
I am an ugly fish girl
but all my scales are falling out
and something else is beginning to take their place.
I’ve been a busy bee lately. Sorry I haven’t been posting, but I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress and I’m just not sure where I can go or who I can turn to. Which is ridiculous, I should be able to come here as this has always been my home and this has always been a source of relief. A few things have happened, but I want to get the bad out of the way first.
*) I’m having a really hard time at work and I’m not sure how that situation is going to turn out. That is all I can say about that at this time. (Nothing personal.)
*) My old journal stalker showed up again, which caused my heart to race and for me to be in a slumpy depression and in an anti-posting mood. She even copied my hospital post. How lame is that? Sad face. Oh well, some people just never learn to love themselves. But I’m over it now.
The good:
Mei-Xin is home (she’s been in Taiwan for over a year) and we’re all very happy about it.
Riley has a big mouth and it makes me smile.
Sabine’s new boyfriend came up and I was able to meet him for the first time.
My friend Ross, who I also haven’t seen in over a year, made a visit.
And with him he brought his new dove Brittney. She’s delightful.
And she wasn’t weirded out by the fact that I had my camera plastered to my face the whole time.
That’s a plus.
Well! People who don’t use LiveJournal ignore this next bit, but for those that do, I disable comments so I can have them all in one spot (trailingtwilight.com), as it makes it easier for me to reply and keep track and all that good stuff, but I think I’ve decided to enable comments entirely for LJ too. I’m going to look around and see if I can find a code that crossposts everything for me and makes my life easier, but if I can’t I may just forget it an enable them entirely. =)
(Xanga, sorry, I don’t think I can keep track of three different places having three different sets of comments. EGADS!)
My first Kogepan plushie came in the mail yesterday (the best possible day for it to come as I’ve been having trouble at work because I’m a burnt piece of bread) and was from someone who I have never met in person- but met online. Through journals. Through words. Thank you, Tamera.
(This is Kuriimupan)
I hope everyone has a happy day today.
Watch the fireworks.
Sara is a girl who spends her days feeling. She likes acting, photos, instruments, writing, music, and books. I know this because she is me. And on most days I'm her too.
