You know, typically I wouldn’t care, but very rarely do we actually make “plans”. (In fact, I can think of one other instance.) And I guess it felt like we went out of our way to find a day that would work so I could talk about some things that have been bothering me and then he sort of blew me off. I’m pretty sure this is exactly why I feel so isolated. How am I supposed to talk about things now?

Luckily I have some time to get over this before we talk again, but man. It felt really good. (That was sarcasm.) I’m wondernig now if I did or said something to cause it. Which is probably the case. Maybe I shouldn’t let it bother me so much. I probably shouldn’t.

It could also be that my heart is being a cuntrag at the moment, as well as yesterday. I went to the theatre last night knowing I wasn’t feeling well. And I shouldn’t have driven, I knew that. Midway through the film I remember thinking, “Oh, I’m going to barf.”

But I waited until the end, then promptly went into the bathroom and started vomitting. I can always tell when it’s my heart and not regular sickness just because of a) the way I feel before hand and b) it’s not food or anything, it’s like this watery filmly bluey goo. (Sorry if this was too much detail.) A funny event went sort of like this, if I remember right. I was in a stall so I’m not sure who said what:

Boozy: OMG there’s someone puking in the bathroom and it’s SOOOOO gross
Kat & Cole: …. Was it Sara?
*they all re-enter the bathroom*
Boozy: Sawa?
Me: *meekly* uuhhhhh yesss
Boozy: I didn’t know it was you!!! I would have stayed and been supportive!
Me: I puked so hard it came out my nose!
Kat: Thanks for the overshare.
Boozy: Ew. Ew.
Me: So much for being supportive!!
Me: *PUKE*
Them: EWWWWOMG

I’m kind of feeling like poop today. I just wanted to tell you guys that I did go to the doctor yesterday; she beat on my back and my arm a bit until I almost cried. Then we did an EKG. Then we drew some blood. And all in all we really have no idea what happened. A clot and a nerve spasm were a few ideas tossed around. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

I’m off to actually get my hair done by someone other than me. Holy crap. (I can’t believe I’m spending money on this…) Hopefully it will make me feel better. I just sort of feel gross.

BREAKFAAAAAAAST.
Cheers.

PS: Thank you to EVERYONE who took the time to comment on my LiveJournal post yesterday. Your support means the world to me (and well, Tom and Jei too).

Well, today something scary happened.

My left arm went completely numb for no reason in a matter of seconds, and then my entire arm and chest was in pain. About twenty minutes later, Cole and I had arrived at the local grocer’s to get some Bayer’s aspirin, and my entire hand was purple and swollen. It was terrifying. All blood flow just stopped. Eventually the swelling went down and I feel much better now, but I have to stay awake so I can take some medicine in a little while. Poor Jei has offered to stay awake with me: I’m on the one couch with my trusty laptop and he’s on the other playing Okami but I can tell he’s falling asleep.

“I can’t sleep! I have to save this village!”
*the wolf has stopped moving*
“Jei, go to bed.”
“I’m not sleeping! I’m saving this village!”
*the wolf starts moving again only to stop a few minutes later*

I think you know the drill.
There’s someone I want with me right now, because this entire experience has terrified me more than I’d like to admit, but I don’t really feel like going into that. They can’t anyway so there’s no point in dwelling.

In other, not-so-scary news, my mother came over today and played Rock Band with us. She sang. Oh, not only did she sing, but she TOTALLY got into it. (And she was good.) She did, “Don’t Fear the Reaper”, “Highway Star”, and “Suffragette City”, to name a few.

Yeah, I know, you don’t have to tell me, I’ve known for a long time. My mom is so fucking cool.

It’s also come to my attention that I have a bit of a swearing problem.

EDIT: 1:23 a.m.
I guess this is as close as we can get. =\

So I’m sitting up late last night talking on the computer, feeling really sick, and hugging my puke bucket in case I need it. Now, since my Syncope issue, it’s safe to say I can totally tell when I’m going to barf and I always make it to the toilet in time. Well last night it felt like I had a concussion and I remember knowing that I was going to puke, I just didn’t know when. Anyway, so I’m hugging my bucket and all of a sudden I’m totally barfing and Jei goes, “What’s that sound?”

And at the time I’m all pissed off because he’s being so insensitive and I’m embarrassed that I’m hurling and I open my mouth to tell him to piss off and die and of course I puke again.

And he says, “SHH! I HEARD IT AGAIN!”

Now I realize this sounds awful, but had I not been puking I would have been laughing. It’s totally funny and you know it.

And the second time I made it to the bathroom and Pumpkin was SCREAMING next to me. I had to be like, “I’m okay, I’m okay!” between vomits.

I’ve never, ever, had a cat do that. Morn will come in and sit beside me when I’m sick, or when I passed out he stayed beside me the whole time, but never meowing so badly like that. It was cute.

Anyway, I had a lot I wanted to say, actually, I just got too sick to write it down. I barely remember what I talked about last night that I wanted to write down. I’ll have to read the log and then come back. =)

I started and finished, “The Book Thief” yesterday because it gave me a headache to stare at a computer screen, and I enjoyed the book quite a bit. I’m feeling much better today but my hip is still pretty sore. The only thing I’m struggling with now is the lack of privacy and independence. It’s really hard to cope with the inability to lock the bathroom door in a house full of boys, the inability to drive myself to the store to pick up some tomatoes, etc. I find that if I don’t already have it, or someone isn’t already going, then I just choose not to say anything. I already have problems voicing the fact that I need something. It’s been really hard to ask for someone to bring over a glass of milk. I hate feeling helpless. And this stupid wristband reminds me of the times I used to go to the waterparks and dance with the water down the slides. I was really happy there. In the bath I close my eyes and imagine I have just landed in the water after the greatest slide ever.

Speaking of books and reviews, I stopped posting my movie reviews here because a) I watch too many and b) Fixster is better. Add me, beautifuls. For book readers check Relax and Read.

Also, thank you to everyone who commented on the last entry, even if it was small- it was the greatest “Get Well” card ever. I really, really, appreciate it.