I’m not sure how so much time goes by between entries lately. I update and I glance and see the last time I updated was three days ago. I didn’t know three days had passed already…
I saw WALL•E. It was incredible. I didn’t even know what it was about before I went into it. I knew it was about a cute robot and it had something to do with space. I’m pretty sure that the first half an hour of the movie was my absolute favorite. A few times I just sat back, absolutely horrified at the visual depiction of the future of human civilization. It was like Ray Bradbury meets Disney.
I loved it.
Seriously.
And that’s all I’m going to say about that because I don’t want to spoil anything.
I’ve been doing a lot of self analyzing lately. You know when something happens in your life and years later you’re suddenly acutely aware of how exactly it effected you and you realize that you might not actually be as okay with it as you thought you were?
I hate being able to cut myself apart into pieces and patterns. Cause and effect. Action and reaction.
It makes me feel very mechanical.
I’m looking back and re-evaluating some of the things I do, or the way I am, and I realize that it had everything to do with these events that I thought I’d put behind me. It wasn’t my fault and I can’t do anything to change them. I thought you just move on? But I don’t know if I ever actually dealt with them properly.
Does that make sense?
(Hey Sara, sorry to leave you a comment unrelated to your entry! But prelapsarianme on lj (of Postlapsaria — cool handmade clothes and such) put up a brontosaurus necklace on Etsy and I had to point you at it.)
And yes. I can almost see the levers in the past making me walk, talk, act the way I do now, and it’s frustrating. For me it’s a lot of stuff that happened at school that’s been pretty formative in damaging ways, and trying to unravel it and come to terms with things is– well, a bit like being a princess under trials in a fairytale, having to separate giant piles of grain. Where are my helpful mouse and ant companions?
That is it exactly.
It’s frustrating to see how such events shaped me. I feel like I should be “stronger” than that.
=(
AND THANK YOU FOR THE ETSY LINK!!
*HUGS*