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I’ve always been a hundred steps behind you despite that I am two years older. I was supposed to protect you and be the big sister, but I’ve always found myself floundering to make sure that I don’t disappoint you. I want to write better, read faster, spell correctly, get all the answers right, and forever be someone you can be proud of.

I think that I was wrapped up in the idea that our father may have actually cared for me that I neglected to see, or acknowledge, how he treated you. I am truly sorry. But now you can look to him with pride, tilt your chin up a little and smile, for you truly are so much like our mother. Beautiful, intelligent, defiant.

I’ve always felt that you were “the smarter one”, the better artist and writer, and you’ve always known what you felt at any certain moment. So many people say, “when I was young, I always wanted to be like my older sister.”
Well I am old and I’ve always wanted to be more like my little sister.

Now you are in Germany for a year and this is the longest we’ve ever been a part.
(That’s quite a leap from two weeks)

I love you, I miss you, and hope all is well,
Happy Birthday

Posted in musings |
4 burnt buns ready to leave the oven ♥
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cK spoke on February 6th, 2007 10:57 am with the words:

Lovely praise.

Now, whereabouts in Germany? I adore Munich…but did not venture beyond it (save for a day-trip to Dachau). It was a wonderful week, though. And the metro fascinated me. I even wrote a short story set in it.

I’m jealous of her travel.
-cK

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kindigo spoke on February 8th, 2007 10:13 am with the words:

Ugh ugh ugh. My name, you hag.

Someday when I’m as pretty, popular, and stylish as you are, then we’ll talk again. Someday when I’m likeable enough that my friends don’t like you better, and my parents don’t like you better, and when I don’t like you better, then we’ll talk about this again. Someday when you don’t try to use volume to drown out logic, when you realize that you’re losing but don’t start to cry first, someday when we’re alone and you don’t have anybody you need to impress, we can talk about this again.

Someday when someone says something bad about me, you’ll jump on him and chew his ear off. Someday when I defend myself to someone, you will back me up without a thought because I am your sister, and you need no other reason. Someday I will tell a lie, and you will know it for what it is and say it’s truth. Then we will talk again.

Someday our father will say to you, I told you she wouldn’t wait for you, that she would leave you behind, and where is she now?

And when you can smile and say, She didn’t, then we will talk about this again.

In the meantime, cK, I’ll be in Annaberg-Buchholz, whith is about two hours away from Dresden, in Saxony. I think Bavaria’s quite a bit different from my region =D. Can you link me to your short story? *very interested*

Also, Bonamy, that pic? The one with me waving in the back and you in the front not looking? How freaking weird is that? You’d think I’d have tried to drive away madly or something. I think I was possesed that day.

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Bonamy spoke on February 8th, 2007 12:04 pm with the words:

And one day you won’t have to explain something like this to me because I’ll just understand it instead of being confused but what has already happened and what hasn’t. : )

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kindigo spoke on February 9th, 2007 8:23 am with the words:

That conversation will indeed be most magical. =D

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