In middle school I was easy to pick on. I’d spent my entire childhood in another country and actually respected my teachers instead of badmouthing them. And I was always drawing in my sketch book. Anime wasn’t big here yet and so I was really made fun of for it. “Teacher’s pet”, and “Jap”, were commonly tossed around. I was either too afraid of you or too nice to tell you no, I can’t remember which. You’d always ask to look at my sketch book and then you’d draw on nipples or scribble rude phrases inside. Sometimes even tear a page. And then you’d laugh. Throw the book out into the hall. In high school you didn’t change much, but I didn’t have a lot of classes with you after that point. You were still loud and obnoxious and confrontational. And popular. Everyone liked you. Everyone was nice to you. Even Paprika, who you viciously made fun of to her face. One year we had Geology together and I had to sit beside you. You asked very loudly, quite often, “Why do you hate me?” It embarassed me and made me frustrated. I thought if you really cared then you wouldn’t have blurted it out in the middle of class so every one around could hear the response. I always said, “I don’t hate you, Mark.” but yes, I always lent you my pencil.

You asked for my sketchbook one day when everyone was bored. I said no for the first time after dozens of brutal embarrassments had come before it. You really seemed hurt by it. You asked why, and I turned to you and told you that I remembered in vivid detail what you’d done years prior. You didn’t say anything and turned away. A few weeks later when we were moved to the back of the class (standard rotation unfortunately was that we’d sit next to each other the whole year and just move back seats.) You turned to me and asked if you could see my sketchbook, and that you really just wanted to look through it. I said no again, but you insisted. Eventually, I gave in. You looked through my sketchbook and commented verbally on the things you liked and didn’t so much. And then we started talking about movies and music and guitars and found out we actually had a lot in common. And then you apologized. I had already forgiven you. And then I bought you a pack of pencils. And then we were secret friends who shared our lives every morning in the back of Geology class.