Various moments you push back, you try to forget, but every once and a while somebody says a sentence, a word, a quote- that brings that obscured memory jaggedly back into place. I wish I could tell you how terrifying and yet warm it was to feel your eyes when last night that moment was mine. I picked up my glass of water and turned my face away trying desperately to stay afloat in the memory and expecting nobody to notice, but there they were; your eyes, searching me for some shape of a memorandum. But I didn’t give you anything, though I wish I had. I want so badly to communicate how you touched me in that fragment of an instant with just a glance, but I couldn’t even look back at you to release you of your momentary worry. Because if I did that I would be acknowledging that [your eyes] were ever resting on me in the first place, and that I had shared such a slice of a secret that would leave me so vulnerable. And because I am not as good as you, and because I am a coward.